AffORmations. Putting your Inner Critic to good work

Afformations, not to be confused with Affirmations, are the process of asking questions rather than making statements, to yourself and your inner consciousness. The background to them being – very loosely – that the human mind is an excellent problem solver and when offered a puzzle to solve, will go about its business figuring out a solution. This concept was developed by International Speaker Noah St. John.

Now presumably most business women are rightly using Afformations in their positive sense, asking uplifting and confidence enhancing questions like “why am I so great at handling money?” and “why is it that people love to work with me?” and so forth.

The interesting thing for me, is what happens in reverse. What happens if you have an inner critic who is asking the questions? Most (untrained) Inner Critics tend to focus on the negative, they ask unhelpful and undermining questions.

So if your Inner Critic is having a party in your mind, shouting at you “why do you think thats a good idea, its not new?” and “What makes you think anyone cares about you and what you’re doing, no one likes you?” and so on, then presumably the mind will go off and process and problem solve these questions and raise concrete evidence of the same.

So i have a radical idea. Lets put that Inner Critic of yours to work, if she must chatter away there, lets just encourage her to make her chatter more useful.

Consider redirecting your critics chatter to things like.. “Why is this such a good idea right now” or “I wonder who will love what I’m offering here”. This way, when your inner workings go about problem solving, they will problem solve in the direction of your dreams.

I’d just love to hear how it goes for you!

big love from me xx

The Inner Critic that demands self control

“Sorry”
Ever feel like you are ALWAYS losing it, or about to lose it, or have already lost it and now have to apologise.
Again.

Ever feel like the standards applied to you for self control are so much higher than those applied to others? Feel like others can be  petty, emotional, out of control and generally naughty, but YOU can’t?

There is a inner critic that demands self control under all circumstances. She often cites the situations of others as being more deserving. She reminds you that your life is “pretty good” and that if you are dissatisfied, or lose your temper you are somehow being selfish or self centred.

Its a pretty heavy burden we impose in our society to remain in control of ourselves. We call it professional, empathic, evolved.
It is looked upon as noble if you can be constantly giving and loving without ever needing to collapse into your own ‘stuff’.
Im here to tell you that your inner critic is fibbing to you. It IS okay for you to collapse into your own stuff sometimes. It IS okay for you to put your own needs ahead of others when you need to. It IS okay for you not to be a beacon of strength for everyone to drape their woes and hangups on.
Its a radical and revolutionary act to put your own needs first and to engage in some active self care, to put boundaries in place that protect you and your right to be human and flawed.
The real magic is that when you do this, you subconsciously give permission for others to be flawed and hurt too.  Its the mark of a leader and woman of strength to be able to be human.
The world won’t end. I know it feels as though it will, but it won’t. Your spouse may not like it, your family might demand more and say you are not ‘like you used to be’, people might try to tell you that they need more from you. This is just the adjustment to change. 
If you’ve spent a long time being the anchor for other people, being strong when you felt wobbly, being present when you wanted to hide under your doona, then people will take a while to adjust to you doing things a little differently.
And they WILL adjust. More than that, they WILL COPE.

Babe, take some time, look after you. 
Be gentle with you. 
Nourish your 
Ask for your needs to be met, just as you would expect the needs of others to be met.

You’re worth it.
You got this.
I love you.
x

How Your Inner Critic Can Help You…

Clarity in business is a serious issue.

If you don’t have clarity in your business, you might be unclear on your ideal client, or maybe exactly what services you want to offer, or what price you should charge. Maybe your unclear on your systems and the way to structure things financially, content wise or time scheduling wise.
Im willing to bet that if you have an inner critic that is a bit out of control (as they get sometimes) that she has an opinion on most of that, and why it is that you’ve bought this on yourself, and its all your fault and how you’ll never amount to anything.
Am I right?

Here is some good news for you. 
She can actually help you to get really clear on exactly those issues that she is so very vocal about.

If your Inner Critic is vocal and nasty about a particular issue – for some peeps its that they are no good with money for example – its because she has an opinion and a perspective about that. Her opinion and perspective are probably informed fully by a time when you were hurt or surprised or frightened in relation money management, or perhaps a significant other was hurt or surprised or frightened by money management.  This means she has some information on what doesn’t work.

Spend a little time allowing your inner critic to rant at you all the things she has been trying to tell you. Get it out and then sit back for a moment in the peace (ahhhhh) then sit forward again and circle the themes. Use these themes to help foster clarity…Ask yourself, where have I heard them before?
What was happening then? How can I make sure that that doesn’t occur again this time around?

TAH DAH.

Love your Inner Critic. She’s working quite hard there.

Big Love from me
xox

An Unlikely Trio. Abundance, Business and the Inner Critic

Are you one of those people who struggles against the idea of the Inner Critic in the pursuit of business and abundance?

Lots of people think that to have the first two, they cannot have the last one. Or alternatively, if they have the last one, they will never manage to have the first two. That somehow the three cannot live in harmony. In January, the month of planning and goal setting, this can cause some ripples.

Im here to tell you that its a BIG FAT MYTH that they cannot co exist, and here is why…

When unmanaged, the Inner Critic will grow like a boganvillia plant in Queensland, it will get spiky, unruly, huge and swallow up all the structures it started out on. It can also be a beautiful thing to behold, from a safe space away from the thorns, as you observe its power grow and thrive.

When MANAGED that same power and beauty can be put to good use in your business. Imagine if you had a force within you that could grow without tending, that would bloom with abandon, that would defend its position with a seriousness not previously seen?

The Inner Critic is YOUR force. It is THAT force.

Many manifesting peeps will tell you that the mind is always manifesting. You only get to chose what.

Setting the power and enthusiasm of your Inner Critic to the task of growing your abundance and your business, is a strategic, sensible and wildly radical thing to do!

So how do you do it?

The Inner Critic spends her time whispering critical things to you, or shouting them, or perhaps delivering pearls of wisdom that make you feel like crud. How to turn that around?

Its all about perspective baby!

Remember how gorgeous the boganvillia is from a safe distance … its the same for your inner critic.

Take a step back from her, what is she doing exactly? Why is she saying those things? What is she trying to achieve? How is she achieving it?

Then take those skills and apply them to your abundance and your business.

I’d love to hear how you go! Drop me a line on my Facebook page over here so I can celebrate with you!

Until then…
Lots of love from me.
XX

3 Reasons your critic doesn’t have to worry about the end of the year approaching

Its only five weeks until the year is over.
Doesn’t that make your heart race go up a notch! Does that get your mind racing “oh but i have to do so much before christmas’ ‘oh my goodness i have to start prepping for 2016’ ‘oh my goodness, everyone is already setting intentions for next year and what am i doing?!’
Im here to tell you that you don’t have to do that to yourself. Here are three reasons you don’t have to get anxious about the end of the year coming and it only being 5 weeks to the close of 2015.
Reason 1.
It helps nothing if you get anxious. Use it as a handy deadline.
Yup. Its a complete waste of your time to get anxious about the end of the year. It doesn’t accomplish anything on your to do list. It doesn’t make you feel good. It doesn’t even really motivate you in a good way. If your anything like most of the population, becoming anxious provides a parallel drop in your productivity. Use the upcoming end of the year as a handy deadline. Most people don’t work well in crisis, but they do respond well to a deadline (timeline). Use this to your advantage.
Reason 2.
Its FIVE WHOLE WEEKS away.
If it was May and i asked you what you were doing in the middle of June, you’d calmly say that you had XY and Z planned right? because you are focussed on May, and know that June is coming and its part of the plan. December gets a raw deal that way. its like we skip over from November to January just because we are december-ist and don’t want to look at it.
Reason 3.
Its a wonderful time.
I worked with a woman once who said to me ‘lets end well’. I’ve always remembered that. The end is just as worthy of your attention and love as the beginning. Do it well.

Your critic will start to flail her arms and announce that armageddon is coming, but there is no need to engage in that. December is a time of reflection and intention, its THE month for you to really focus down on your business and enjoy the idea that a holiday is approaching. Its a great time to really bring to your mind the big WHY that you do your business, to use the endless commercials and family christmas planning to remember that the reason that you are in business for yourself is so that you don’t have to do the christmas graveyard shift, you don’t have to negotiate with the boss or other workers, you don’t have to wonder how you will ever have the time off you need to spend with your people.

So when your Critic gets her game on, and starts to yell at you about the end being nigh, that there is SO much to do and SO little time (remember she is discounting a WHOLE MONTH) calmly remind her that it is five weeks away and YOU GOT THIS. Its a wonderful time, and its a great time to really sit gently with your WHY, to pull out the most interesting and wonderful things about your business and to be grateful for the provision of a community wide timeline.
You got this babe.
big love from me.
x

I don’t have an “Inner Wisdom” personality… Do I? Am I broken?

If you do not have a sense of an Inner Wisdom construct, do not fret. That is, some people can talk about an inner guide who is wise and available. Maybe (like me) thats not available to you right now.

Some of us do not have an innate connection to our natural wisdom and intuition. But do not make the mistake of believing that means you don’t have wisdom inside of you, or that there is not some intuition there.
Think about the times that you have done things just ‘because’ or when you’ve made decisions because it seemed right, not because there was any substantial evidence one way or the other. Think about the love you carry for your child, or sister or father, or the way that you feel when your dog looks at you, like really looks at you.

Its that connection to soul that matters. Some people just have it a bit easier than others.
Some people play tennis easier too. It just is.
That doesn’t mean you can’t learn to play tennis, and it doesn’t mean you can’t discover, and connect, with your inner wisdom.

I believe that conceptualising your inner self is helpful because it brings it forth to your conscious minds eye. It makes it tangible and useful and graspable (is that a word!?). Some people find concepts that are nebulous or energetic difficult to access from their thinking brain during times they need them. This is where the process of personifying her will help you.
We most need our Inner Wisdom in times of stress or anxiety right? What if you can’t find her?
Most likely she is there, but just not quite available to your evidence demanding, rational brain.

Drawing out your inner self, picturing her, personifying her, can make her more accessible to your conscious brain.

And trust me, if your worrying she isn’t there, you’re using your conscious brain and thats just not where she hangs out.

You are most definitely NOT broken.

much love xx

Why the NaySayer in your head could be your greatest ally

It is a common experience for entrepreneurial women to have big plans and dreams, and find themselves hesitating at following them because of the naysayer in their mind.

The naysayer whispers ‘but it won’t work!’ and ‘what if we look silly’? and ‘this seems like a dangerous thing to do’!

Its easy to get lost in those little thoughts that pop up. Easy to put big dreams back on the shelf when we wonder if we are being silly or unrealistic. It is important to maintain a professional image,and to have products that work. It would seem like we are amateur if we launch things that flop!

The thing about the Naysayer that she stops us before we start. She is the killer of dreams before they are born. She is the one that repeats the fears of those who influenced us without letting us speak our own truth before dismissing it.

What if you were able to treat the naysayer like your ‘quality control agent’. What if you could have your dreams, you could start the projects, you could initiate the big things in your business without the undermining voice telling you not to try. Then when you have something that you would like to present to the world, you can see it through the lens of your inner critic naysayer. She can easily use her skills to point out to you where there might the potential weaknesses, or where you might want to tweak things to look ‘more professional’. She can even assess danger, and she can assess its likelihood of success. Best of all, the Naysayer is a conservative assessor. This means that as a balance you can be as radical as you wish in your business, and the naysayers quality control lens can balance you!

A good business team has a good balance of skills. Why not repurpose your inner critic naysayer to be your quality control agent?
What would you do first, if you could have her on your final inspection quality control team instead of on your design and strat planing brainstorming team?

Dream baby dream!

xo

Do not mistake my kindness for weakness. I am BADASS

Am I kind? Yes.
Am I gentle? Yes.
Am i loving? yes.
Am i a pushover? HELL NO.

Its really important to be clear in your business persona that you can be both likeable, and assertive.

Tara Mohr covers this beautifully when she speaks about the ‘double bind’ women in business face. The research establishes that in business (particularly traditional business) women can be either likeable or capable. But they cannot be both. We all know however, research by the time its delivered, is usually a little behind where we are today.

It is a new movement, particularly visible among entrepreneurial women, to be both likeable and badass effective. This is an exciting time. It means that we can be gentle, loving and wonderfully giving. It also means that we are business women and we are deserving of being paid for the work we do, being acknowledged for the work we do, and well, being respected for what we do.

It is a wonderful time to be kind in your business. To be a part of the movement that shows the feminine power behind business. The one that says ‘for me to win, you do not have to lose’.

I watched a periscope today by Tash Corbin (check out Periscope! its all kinds of crazy!) and she said ‘if i can help you… then I’m going to do that, I am going to be in Forbes Richest 100 soon, and i’d much rather be there surrounded by all of you, than the Donald Trumps of the world’. Can I get an AMEN to THAT!!??

So the next time your Inner Critic whispers to you that because you are gentle, kind or generous you are not a good capable, effective BADASS CEO of your business. Tell her to shut up, she is no longer the authority, like the research, her knowledge is just out of date…

For you to win, no one has to lose. Your true self knows this.

much love
xx

What Am I?

“We are what we think about all day long.” Ralph Waldo Emerson.

So if you have an inner voice that is chanting a string of negative suggestions at you, is it any wonder you find yourself with self esteem lower than low?

Is it any wonder that you find yourself defensively arguing with yourself, or retreating to the safety of a familiar activity that ISNT driving your business forward?

What if you were instead hearing the wondrous uplifting messages of an Inner Critic you had met and BEFRIENDED?

It is possible. It is available. It will work for you xx