Ever feel like you are ALWAYS losing it, or about to lose it, or have already lost it and now have to apologise.
Ever feel like the standards applied to you for self control are so much higher than those applied to others? Feel like others can be petty, emotional, out of control and generally naughty, but YOU can’t?
There is a inner critic that demands self control under all circumstances. She often cites the situations of others as being more deserving. She reminds you that your life is “pretty good” and that if you are dissatisfied, or lose your temper you are somehow being selfish or self centred.
Its a pretty heavy burden we impose in our society to remain in control of ourselves. We call it professional, empathic, evolved.
It is looked upon as noble if you can be constantly giving and loving without ever needing to collapse into your own ‘stuff’.
Im here to tell you that your inner critic is fibbing to you. It IS okay for you to collapse into your own stuff sometimes. It IS okay for you to put your own needs ahead of others when you need to. It IS okay for you not to be a beacon of strength for everyone to drape their woes and hangups on.
Its a radical and revolutionary act to put your own needs first and to engage in some active self care, to put boundaries in place that protect you and your right to be human and flawed.
The real magic is that when you do this, you subconsciously give permission for others to be flawed and hurt too. Its the mark of a leader and woman of strength to be able to be human.
The world won’t end. I know it feels as though it will, but it won’t. Your spouse may not like it, your family might demand more and say you are not ‘like you used to be’, people might try to tell you that they need more from you. This is just the adjustment to change.
If you’ve spent a long time being the anchor for other people, being strong when you felt wobbly, being present when you wanted to hide under your doona, then people will take a while to adjust to you doing things a little differently.
And they WILL adjust. More than that, they WILL COPE.
Babe, take some time, look after you.
Be gentle with you.
Ask for your needs to be met, just as you would expect the needs of others to be met.
You’re worth it.
You got this.
I love you.